Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Reality TV: The Bachelorette Season 11 Week 5 Recap and Thoughts

This week begins with Nick moving in with the group. He walks in and has to sit facing all the guys, who are giving him glares of varying severity. The glares are really priceless. They do not want him there, they have decided to not like him, but he does his best to answer their questions (sort of) and make them understand he is there for "the right reasons." He's not. We all know he's not. The other guys know it. They ask very pointed questions and Nick seems to keep himself afloat while answering them, but we know how much of a smooth talker he is, so I take everything he says with a grain of salt. Tanner, who is the resident Bachelor/ette expert, does a lot of the talking for the guys. For much of the time he's also holding an wine glass that he looks like he wants to throw at Nick. This segment here is just a feast of green-eyed monsters and it's fantastic. If facial expressions of the existing guys when faced with Nick were to be bottled as cologne, here are the names I'd give the fragrances:

1. What's that Smell? Oh Yeah, Nick. (Shawn, Joe)
2. This Smile is Totes Fake (Tanner, Joshua, Ryan)
3. This is Too Awkward (Corey, Ben H.)
4. I Wish I Had Laser Eyes So I Could Behead You Right Here (Jared, Ben Z.)
5. Not Impressed and Not Worth My Eye Roll (Ian, Jonathan, Justin)
6. Why am I Confused? (J.J.)

There is also the Please Don't Punch My Baby Face (Nick). Chris is exempt because he was not there due to still being on the date with Kaitlyn. So they guys head to the cocktail party at Citi Field. The guys seem super, super excited to be on a Major League Baseball field. J.J. calls it "a childhood dream" to be on a pro ball field, and he carries Kaitlyn as he runs around the bases. While the guys are sitting in the fancy suite area, they continue to discuss Nick and the rose situation. Tanner tells Kaitlyn about how he confronted Nick and how Nick didn't fully answer his questions. Many of the guys are shown in ITMs saying they don't like Nick, don't trust him, want him gone, or how they are frustrated at the situation. Some of them share their feelings with Kaitlyn. One that is clearly not cool with the situation is Shawn. Around the guys he doesn't say too much (at least that we see) but he expresses to Kaitlyn that her bringing in Nick has really rocked his boat. He is even physically distant with her and straight up tells her that Nick is full of s**t. Kaitlyn seems to take his distance and reaction to her decision pretty hard.

The rose ceremony takes place on the field. The guys look like they are scared out of their pants, but really they are just extremely cold. Kaitlyn gets to wear a coat and gloves but the guys are just in their suits. If you remember from last episode, Justin, Jared, and Chris all have roses already. The guys that get roses are: Ben H., Ben Z., Shawn, Tanner, Joe, Ian, J.J., Joshua, and Nick. The guys that went home are Jonathan, Corey, and Ryan. The rest of the guys are pretty upset that Nick got the last rose. Shawn won't even say his name - he calls him "the other guy."

The group heads to San Antonio for this week's dates. It's visibly warmer, which I'm sure they were all thankful for. The date card arrives and the clue is about "one step at a time" and is for Ben H. The date involves Kaitlyn and Ben H. getting dressed up in flannel and boots and they drive off in a classic pick-up truck, but we hang with the guys at the hotel for a minute. They are still awkward about Nick being there. They all seem to listen to Nick talking and their faces just say how full of crap they think he is all the time. For all of Nick's whining and discomfort last season, he at least seems more calm and confident this go-round.

Back on the one-on-one, Ben H. and Kaitlyn arrive at their destination, where they will be learning to two-step and then competing in a competition at the oldest dance hall in Texas. They learn the steps from a two-step champion, but they don't seem to pick it up that well. What we as the viewers learn: Quick-Quick-Slow-Slow. It gets repeated ad nauseam. It's even part of the song they dance to in the first round. The pair survives the initial elimination but gets tapped out during the second round. Ben H. seems pretty sweet, but he's also kind of bland, which makes him not as enjoyable to watch as some of the other guys. At dinner, Ben H. talks about how difficult it is for him to open up, but all I can think about is how much I love Kaitlyn's eyeshadow. Ben H. gets the date rose.

Back at the hotel, the guys are discussing the next date card and the consensus is that if Nick gets the second one-one-one (they will know by who is left off of the group date), the hotel might combust from the anger of the other guys. It arrives and the chosen are Justin, Jared, Ian, Chris, Tanner, Joe, J.J., Ben Z., Joshua, and Nick, meaning Shawn will get the second one-on-one date. The clue is "man in uniform" and instead of having something to do with the Battle of the Alamo (which would have been my guess), the guys have to write and perform a mariachi song while dressed in the traditional mariachi uniform. The guys are thoroughly schooled by young mariachi phenom Sebastian. He says he has won Kaitlyn's heart by serenading her, so the guys have to win her heart back with their songs.

Joe, as usual, brings the funny and has no idea what he's doing, and Sebastian questions if he has a serious side. Ian is excited to perform again and do better than on the Aladdin date. Joshua is nervous and very concerned about Nick still. The guys then come out in full mariachi garb and the performances start. Justin starts and he does pretty well with having the mariachi sound and cadence. J.J. is next and tries to play the guitar while singing and it does not work. We see Jared prancing around, and then comes Joe with his off-key but funny line, "Will you mariachi me?" and then gives her a kiss, and combining humor with smooches scores Joe a lot of points. Ian is next and we can barely understand what he's saying. He may be able to sing well, but it seems like he was afraid of making a fool of himself, which is what these dates are all about, so in not doing so, he came across as too timid and he couldn't pull the song off. In his ITM he is upset that he choked. Joshua follows and tries his best but he's not great and he knows it. Nick decides to take his serenade to the next level and takes Kaitlyn up on a balcony and sings to her there. He's terrible, but the gesture doesn't go unnoticed by Kaitlyn, not to mention he talked about It was bad but memorable. We don't get to see Chris, Tanner, or Ben Z. perform.

The cocktail party is next, and Kaitlyn is hopeful that the guys seem to be taking the Nick situation better and are trusting her more. Joshua trusts Kaitlyn enough to have her buzz his hair, but the clippers die, so only one side really gets done and it just looks pitiful. I felt bad for Joshua because he was trying to do something fun and it backfired and all the guys were laughing at him. I wanted to give him a hug. Then Nick takes his alone time with Kaitlyn and from the haircut to his "guy intuition," Joshua gets more and more bothered as the night goes along. Joshua doesn't trust Nick and when Nick returns, he tells him so. This is where the train wreck kind of starts and Nick goes into some weird spiel about how he was glad Josh Murray was on Andi's season and glad he (Nick) didn't win, which makes no sense to anyone, especially Joshua. So Joshua goes and gets some more time with Kaitlyn so he can tell her how he feels about Nick. As Joshua is explaining, he implies that all the guys don't like Nick and are upset, and Kaitlyn basically says if that is true, then the other guys have been lying to her face. Joshua realizes he's made a misstep, but I think what happened is no one was still as bothered as Joshua about the Nick situation. They were moving past it. But of course, if the guys ever did talk about Nick, they would agree with Joshua, so he thinks they are on the same page as he was. So this just all blows up in Joshua's face when Kaitlyn confronts the group and no one sticks up for Joshua or agrees with him in front of her. Part of the reason why is because when Joshua comes back from talking to Kaitlyn, he lies and says he was in an ITM. It was so horrible and painful to watch. Joshua is one of my favorites, so I'm looking forward to seeing him on Bachelor in Paradise. Then Kaitlyn decides to give out the group date rose and gives it to Nick.

The second one-on-one date starts and it's Kaitlyn and Shawn and they go kayaking down the river walk. It seems like a lot of fun and a nice day. Then they sit together and talk and Shawn lets little things slip about how he feels about her. Then he says he wants to be honest with her because Kaitlyn highly values honesty so Shawn tells her that he felt bad for Joshua because he was still upset that morning. He says he knows Joshua was coming from a good place and that the other guys on the date were probably scared to speak up, and he just wanted to let her know. Kaitlyn says she trusts him and they talk about their feelings some more and it's cute and geez, Shawn's voice is pretty honey-like.

Shawn says in his ITM that he is planning to open up to Kaitlyn. At dinner, they talk about how fast and strong their connection was and then Shawn reveals that he was in a bad accident and was in the hospital for a few months, and he gets emotional as he talks about it. He has moments where you can see him be shy and it is so cute. Then he drops the big one, "I'm falling in love with you." Squee! First we've seen it said to Kaitlyn this season I believe. Then, in true breaking all the rules fashion that has come to and will continue to define Kaitlyn's stint as Bachelorette, she tells him, "I feel the same way." Usually, that never happens until the winner is chosen, so big move there! Of course, Shawn gets the date rose. Then they go back out on the water in a canoe and fireworks go off above them.

Back at the hotel, Ian is feeling neglected. He starts talking about how women like him and all of his qualifications for being awesome (which is a bad, bad look). I really, really liked Ian in the beginning. He did seem to be a little too serious as the weeks went on, but overall, he seems like a really great catch. However, when he starts talking about what a great catch he is, that is the pinnacle of arrogance and makes him seem ridiculous. You can know that you're awesome and even say so, but don't act like your good traits override other people's feelings about you. They are entitled to their opinions, but acting like your awesomeness is a fact of human existence = nope. He even starts talking about how he'd make a great Bachelor. Nope again. And saying all the problems lie with the other party, NOPE. Then Ian says he's going to make his last stand. WTF. Just leave. Don't make a scene. Instead, Ian decides he wants to go out with guns blazing and let Kaitlyn know exactly how bad she messed up and what she's missing out on. Um, nope.

So at the cocktail party, Joshua is feeling the heat and gets emotional because of the train wreck that he was on the group date. Kaitlyn arrives and talks about how she wants trust and honesty and what she wants out of this process and out of a partner. Ian doesn't think Kaitlyn can handle the truth that she's not hot compared to his last girlfriend. Ick. We see Jared get his alone time first, and again, he gets to go back to Kaitlyn's suite. They talk and kiss and Kaitlyn says she trusts him. Then Jared says he feels like he's falling in love with her. Then we go back to more Ian listing off his impressive qualifications as a husband/bachelor and even insults the other guys. The we see Joe and Kailtyn making out on a bench and she says she enjoys kissing him. Then we're back to Ian talking about how much sex he has in his own life and how he needs to get his confidence back (doesn't really seem like he's wanting for confidence to me but whatever). Then he swoops in and finally gets his alone time with Kaitlyn and the honesty bombs begin. Basically, Ian says he is above all the "surface level stuff" and that she wasn't what he expected and he thinks she's shallow and the insults just come one after another. By the end, this was Kaitlyn's face (and I don't blame her one bit):

The episode ends there with no rose ceremony, yet again, though we know Ian is about to leave. I almost didn't care though, because I was so flabbergasted by Ian's arrogance and vile behavior. It was despicable and so disappointing because of how mush I liked him when this started. UGH!!! Only Tyra really knows how to express what I'm feeling right now:

So by the end of this week, we lost Corey, Ryan, Jonathan, and Ian will go soon. And thanks to all the drama this week, no one remembers what a d-bag J.J. is. He got lucky.

I don't have any more words, so here's my list:

Guy I'm most disappointed/appalled by: Ian
Guy I felt bad for: Joshua
Guy I hope we never have to see dance again: Ben H.
Guy I think currently has the most chemistry with Kaitlyn: Shawn B.
Guy I wish we'd gotten to know more: Ryan
Guy I wish would get more screen time: Joe

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