Write Stuff is based on the Wannabe Writers meme hosted by Sarah at Confessions of the Un-Published. This meme is what prompted me to start Writer Quirk, so I am thankful to Sarah for creating it.
I use this meme to talk about the ups and downs of writing, what I'm working on, and, in November, to chronicle my NaNoWriMo journey.
In my last Write Stuff post, I talked about how my depression had affected my writing. I knew I wasn't going to make my deadline, so I said I'd set a new one and try again. That deadline is nine days away, and I'm not any closer than I was last time. My depression wasn't as big an issue this time, but life stuff definitely got in the way and I barely wrote at all.
For the first time since deciding to get serious about being a novelist, I actually considered giving up. I had those thoughts of maybe I just can't do it and maybe writing a novel just isn't for me. I like writing, but my process is so draining and slow, and I was definitely down about it. When I did sit down to write the other day, I decided again that something was off and started over, making that Draft 5. While it did feel like I was going in a better direction, I haven't been able to return to it.
It occurred to me that perhaps I don't want it badly enough. I know there are writers who devote every spare minute to writing, despite jobs, kids, whatever. I don't, at least, not anymore. Life got tough, and tougher, and only now am I feeling like things are leveling out a bit. Still, because of my depression and life in general, I'm exhausted most days to the point vegging or sleeping is all I feel I can do. That's not including the days I feel tired but still have to make dinner and do laundry and etc. But if I truly wanted it, I would make time for it no matter how I felt, right?
Probably. I know there were times I could have written, where I didn't feel too bad or too tired, but I chose to do something else. Usually I chose something else because writing is hard and I was either scared of trying or lazy. But despite not expecting life to get any easier in the near future, I don't want to give up. I don't know what it would be like to say I'm no longer trying to write a novel, but I don't want to know. Not yet anyway.
So I'm going to keep working. It may take forever (I don't feel like setting another deadline would do any good), but I'm at least going to finish this one novel. If I never write another one, fine, but at least I can say I saw it all the way through.
Have you ever felt like giving up? How did you find your motivation to continue?
Let me know in the comments! ^_^