Saturday, July 21, 2012

From Where I'm Standing [9] - Update

Hey quirks.

It has been twenty days since I last saw my dad, seventeen since he died. I don't know when I'll stop counting, but I'm not able to keep the numbers away. OCD runs in my family, but I'm not nor have ever been the counter. But I'm not myself right now.

I once had a creative writing professor tell me that everything I wrote had an atmosphere of sadness or melancholy to it, and as I grew as a writer and changed as a person, (read: got my depression under control) that stopped. But now I feel like my entire being is dampened. I can still laugh; I can still talk and joke and smile. But it is tinged with grief and loss that even if not visible is still there.

This is actually the first time I've been on my laptop since the day my dad died. I was sitting with my computer in my lap when I got the call from my sister that all was not right. Thankfully I had set it aside when she started screaming on the other end of the phone. But I've not even been able to look at my computer much, just enough to pack it up with my things and move back into my family's home, but it's been sitting ever since.

When my sister called, she was using Dad's phone. I thought it was him calling. He always seemed to call just as I got settled with my laptop on the couch.

So looking at and touching my computer right now hurts. But I have things to do, and if Dad taught me anything, it was perserverance.

Things are still going to be relatively quiet on the blog for now. I am in the process of moving my entire family (husband, sister, mother, seven dogs, two cats, and myself) into a new home. My first wedding anniversary is approaching, and a couple weeks later, some trips out of town. I'm still working full-time and currently battling some kind of stomach/stress issue that has made me feel more like a zombie than a person for the last several weeks. But I'm trying to get back in the swing of things, if slowly.

I have a couple books through ARC tours that I will be reviewing, and a scheduled review, so those will appear in the coming weeks. I may review some other books I've been meaning to get to, but more than likely it will be mostly reviews on here for a while. I'm not writing. I decided to give myself July to recover before trying to get back at it. I am sporadically on Twitter, though I haven't felt a whole lot like tweeting or even keeping up with what is going on in the blogosphere, but if you message me, I'll respond.

I just wanted to let you all know where I was at and what to expect as I love my internet friends and family and didn't want to keep you all hanging with no further explanation.

Hopefully I'll be properly back in the blogging/writing/tweeting saddle soon.



  1. I am so sorry for your loss. Hang in there, sweetie! I can't imagine how hard this whole thing must be for you. No matter what, we'll all be here for you. You and your family will be in my thoughts! *huge hug*

  2. I know when I lost my dad, I didn't feel like myself for a long while, but it does come back. Just keep taking it one day at a time, and remember all your friends and family love you and are here when you need us! *hug*


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